Creativity and Me

Yesterday's class discussion on project based learning struck a real chord of fear inside of me. I am sure it has to do with the word "creative." Somehow that word causes my blood pressure to rise and I get a panicked feeling inside..."I'm NOT creative! How am I going to do this?!?" And so, to face my fear head-on, I am basing my fall inquiry on the topic: "How can I overcome my fear of creativity to encourage my students to be creative, especially in the area of writing?"
I will blog separately about this inquiry and the process I will embark on to explore it.

For now, these are the 3 things I want to cover today. First, why do I have this fear? Secondly, what does creative mean to me? And third, when do I feel like I have been creative or helped my students be creative?

Why am I so afraid of being creative or of allowing my students to be creative? I think the roots of it come from being a perfectionist and being raised by a perfectionist. Nothing less than perfection was acceptable, at least that was my perception. I am also a control freak (according to my children). I want to be able to plan everyone's life. I work hard at organizing things so that it will all work out. Consequently, I have high blood pressure! :) I think that if a student is being creative, I can't judge it.

Being creative, to me, means doing something without a map or directions, which of course, to my organized mind is very stressful. You can never predict the outcome of creativity, hence it is impossible to plan for it. These are all emotional statements, and shouldn't be taken as a definition!

I have tended, over the past 24 hours, to be very hard on myself because of my lack of creativity. And yet, I know that if I am honest with myself, I have been creative and have allowed and encouraged it in my students, as well as my own children. My annual Christmas letters are creative writing pieces, if I say so myself. I have enjoyed giving scrapbook assignments to my students where they were required to do some creative writing and design.
I have honestly tried to support my young elementary students in their creative art ventures, always saying something positive about their attempts. I have sometimes given students a math problem to figure out themselves.

So there you have it, some initial ramblings of my thoughts of creativity...this is a scary path I'm on.